If It's Called Downsizing, Why Do I Weigh The Same?

I lost my job today. Anyone looking for a slightly used computer tech?

Going For The Gold

So how about them Olympics ? I can't say I have been watching them too closely. I'm not all that interested in winter sports. But the scandals have at least been moderately amusing. Apparently the French judge in the doubles skating competition was pressured by other judges to vote for the Russian team over the Canadian. Surprisingly, he folded. Just seems so unlike the French to give up easily.

This led to quite a tizzy. The Canadians protested claiming to have performed better than the Russians. The Russians scoffed at the Canadian protests stating, "Come on. They're Canadians." So, in the great tradition of touchy feelly self esteem building, the IOC decided to award gold medals to both the Canadian and Russian teams.

The Canadians seemed cool with the decision because, "hey, this way everyone is a winner, eh?" The Russians on the other hand seemed less pleased. One member of the Russian team was quoted as saying, "Oh for the love of... They're freaking Canadians!"

It's almost enough to make two weeks of people slipping and sliding on snow and ice seem worthwhile.

The Blog in the Bubble

    I'm leaving work today, riding the elevator down forty stories and I over hear a portion of someone else's conversation:

    "Like, whenever she feels freaked out - she just imagines there is a bubble around her. It seems to work for her!"

     Now, this starts me thinking. Living in a big rubber bubble would be cool. Think about it!

• You would never get rained or snowed on.
• You would aways be practicing safe sex.
• You wouldn't have to worry about colds or flu - or anthrax for that matter.
• They would come in a variety of colors.
• Co-workers perfume or colonge no longer a problem.
• You would always be in style - round!
• Sea Gulls and Pidgeons would no longer pose a threat.
• No over crowded elevators.
• If someone farts - why would you care?
• Food stains wipe right off.
• No chance of drowning!

    Sure, there would be changes to your life and some disadvantages. Eatting out would be odd. Above we mention some odor issues - but what about odors inside the bubble? (Yipe!) Then, of course, transportation would have to change - buses that could accomodate hundreds of gum-ball like humans would have to be constructed. Maybe huge vacuum tubes would whisk bubble borne humans from the suburbs to their cubicals. Would cubicals and bubbles even be compatable?
    Dating would be a challenge. Greedy theatre owners would probably discriminate against the bubble people, prefering to keep their tiny, ass crunching seats. Restaurants would have to watch not only what table ware is used around the bubblatzi (No knives or anything pointy! Spoons!), but also what they serve, lobster claws and anything ka-bob would be right out! Holding hands, kissing or any other dating physicalities would have to be altered. People would begin to delight in the first bubble to bubble touch. They would be impressed if their partner went to the trouble to find a matching colored bubble. Watch those first date flowers! Coosing daisies over thorny roses is wise!
    A world filled with 6 billion bubbles sounds like a great place to live - just as long as I'm the only one with a hat pin!

Death Doesn't Take a Holiday

Read This

Terrified yet? Here is the harsh reality of the death penalty. Innocent people sometimes get convicted. And once you are convicted, it is next to impossible to prove your innocence, no matter how compelling the evidence. And once you are dead, you are dead.

Write Bob Holden and tell him that he must do the right thing and commute Joseph Amrine's sentence.

Governor's Office In Jefferson City
Missouri Capitol Building, Room 218
PO Box 720
Jefferson City, MO 65102-0720
Telephone: (573) 751-3222
FAX: (573) 751-1495

The Inchoherent Rantings of a Dangerous Lunatic

I just called my answering machine to see if anyone left any messages while I was at work. There was one new message. I punched it up and suddenly I was listening to what I was certain was the mad ramblings of a deeply disturbed person. He was mumbling what sounded like disjointed, incoherent babble. I was about to stop the message and delete it when I realized that it was in fact myself I was listening to. It was the message I had left for my wife earlier today to remind her to give our dog her pill.

I really need to stop mumbling.

Don't Touch It! It's EEEEEVIIILLLLL!

"Yup. Looks evil to me," says peeping tom President, peering into North Korea with binoculars.

Okay, there is nothing about the government of North Korea that is the least bit nice, as far as I know. From the outside, they look like just another bunch of oppresive assholes getting rich while their people starve .

So why not call a spade "a spade"? Well, for one thing, the spade has guns. Lots and lots of guns. Second, the spade's neighbors are trying to make nice with the spade and end some of the tension that has been causing nothing but grief there for most of the previous century.

Did you know that, offically, North and South Korea are still at war? They probably hold the worlds record for the longest active cease fire ever, but they have never been able to hammer out a peace treaty. The good news is, Kim Dae Jung, the President of South Korea has had some moderate success at getting Kim Jung Il and the North Koreans to the table. He has had some fits and starts. He was able to convince North Korea to allow some brief reununions of some of the families divided by the Korean War, though not many have been allowed recently. And he had a deal to open a road and railroad through the DMZ to allow travel between the Koreas, though North Korea has been a bit slow in getting their half of the road and tracks completed. I suspect that is as much to due with bloody-mindedness on their part as with a lack of funds.

But still, work was being done to try and improve the lot for Koreans, North and South. So what happens? Shrub has to open his big mouth. "Hey! North Korea! Yer ugly and yer mama dresses you funny!"

Of course, name calling being such a stunningly effective tool of diplomacy, we have helped these difficult negotiations grind to a halt. Brafuckingvo, Shrubster.

So, yes we have called a spade "a spade". And we have made life a great deal more difficult for Koreans and for our supposed friends in the government of South Korea. Oh, and we have our high moral ground.

woo hoo.

PANIC!!! FOR GOD'S SAKE PANIC!!!!!

It seems odd looking back at pre-911 news. Remember when we actually cared about Gary Condit? I bet most of you probably can't even remember why he was in the news anymore. Well, one of the big news stories last year was shark attacks. Or, as it appeared in headline after headline, SHARK ATTACKS!!!!!!! Remember that? It was Jaws come to life. The sharks were rising up out of the oceans to take their revenge upon us. And this time, it was personal.

Well guess what?

No clue, just have a guess.

Give up? Go read this

That's right. Based on the news coverage you wouldn't think so, but there were actually fewer shark attacks in 2001 than there had been in 2000. So what was the big deal? Why were news organizations in such a froth over these shark attacks? Mainly because everyone else was.

I'm going to let you in on a dirty little secret. Reporters don't know everything. In fact, some of them don't know a heck of a lot about anything beyond how to write a compelling news story.

The news kind of lost its shine for me when I actually was news, ever so briefly, back in early '94. Back then, I was working with an advocacy group called MoPIRG doing an investigation into rent-to-own scams. The culmination of this investigation was a news conference. I was pumped. Not only was I going to be exposing how rent-to-own places use their "easy payments" to rip low income people off, I was going to be on the news. I could barely fit my inflated ego through the door that day.

It went off without a hitch. We pontificated for the cameras and were interviewed by the comsumer affairs reporters from all the local news outlets. We got the word out and I got my face on all the news channels at 5, 6 and 10. Best of all, all but one the of the comsumer affairs reporters portrayed us sympathetically. And the one that tried to make us look like kooks really had to stretch to do it.

But one thing bugged me. Of course in this sound bite world, they didn't have the time to show our whole news conference. Most just showed about 5 or 6 seconds of my ugly face blabbing about the off-brand 15 inch TV that would ultimately cost over $2000 at a rent-to-own, versus the 20 inch set we bought for $500 at a regular store followed by the comsumer affairs reporter warning people away from rent-to-own.

What bugged me was that the reporter was basically quoting word for word things I had said at other points in the conference. The thing is, they didn't say they were quoting me. Rather, they let it come across as if they were offering hard won information from their own investigation when in fact I bet most of them hadn't even given any thought to rent-to-own before.

That is when I realized, news is by its very nature second hand information. More importantly, it is second hand information that has been edited down to its sexiest, most compelling tidbits. Now, I am not trying to completely knock the news. In fact, I am a news junkie. But I know that I can't trust just one source or one medium. If I am to know what is going on, I need to read and watch mutliple sources. And even then, I need to keep my bullshit detector on, and need to follow up with my own research. Does that sound like a time comsuming pain in the ass? Maybe. But if I want to know what is going on, that is what I need to do.

Wait. Weren't we talking about sharks?

I declare the End of the Gutenburg Era!

    It would appear that the era of the printed word is quickly coming to an end. With the publication of this web page, we have proof that anyone can get published for darned near nothing - as in $0.
    Two years ago I started a different web site hoping to cash in on the dot-com and Internet thang. In all I spent roughly $300 dollars and made $26 back. As dot-coms go, I did pretty good! We have started the web site you see here for $25 - total. If we make exactly what I made on my last web site, We will be profitable - by one dollar.
    The point here is that the promises we have heard for over a decade of the death of the printed word and the paperless world are being fulfilled. When any person can publish their opinions, feelings, fiction and anything else that comes into their heads to the whole world for the cost of a decent meal out, the barriers on self expression begin to drop and the world looks to be a very different place.
    Money is the root of civilization - there is no way to deny that. Money has long determined who gets published and who doesn't. Publishing houses could publish every book that comes to them, except for the fact that it's prohibitively expensive to do so. So, they publish the books that will bring them the most profit per unit after costs for printing, shipping and marketing and the pittance to the writer have been figured in. Simple economics.
    As things have progressed and gotten cheaper and cheaper, it has become possible to self publish. Books have gone from being bound in wood and leather back when Gutenberg began all of this to the paper back of today. With the invention of the Xerox process and the arrival of less expensive recycled paper the world of zines and hand bound books hit. Inexpensive PCs set up desk top publishing to rival professional typesetting. Now a student can afford a laser printer that can double as a photo copier and set up a print shop in the corner of his dorm room. Corporations like Xerox and others are finally catching up. They are talking about "print on demand" and other technologies that might put the big box bookstores on the shelf next to the corner green grocer.
    But why bother with any of that? Sure, e-books are selling better and better all the time, mostly because our Palms and other PDAs are getting more capable and less expensive. But even e-books are far too expensive for what they are. The NY Times Best Seller list represents nearly 60,000 retailers. Think about it - the average paper-back is $6 to $8. Even if only one copy was sold in each store on that list, that would be $360,000 to $480,000 dollars. When you cut in the book store, the distributor, shipping costs, printing costs, administrative costs and of course the salaries of the publishing company execs, it's little wonder that even good writers only get a few thousand dollars for their work. And if you are a Stephen King, a John Grisham or a Danielle Steele, each of your books will be shipped in bulk loads to those 60,000 retailers. Even if those writers are paid millions of dollars, it's easy to see that even that large of a number would only be a drop in the bathtub.
    It is my opinion that there is no good reason for a writer to sign on with a publishing house in this day and age. Sure, if you make the cut, it's easy. They do all the work - they edit your work and make you feel lucky you have such a good editor. They treat you nice because you are talent and they know how to handle talent. Maybe they invite you to a party or two and dazzle you with the new people who are now your peers. Maybe they fly you to the coast or put you up somewhere while you sign contracts and negotiate. Sure, it's the sweet life. But, the reason it's easy is because they are spending the money other writers like yourself have earned them. You poured out your mind and soul to your taskmaster Muse and your ever hungry PC and all you get a few thousand bucks, enough to get you through to the next book. These people know how to handle talent, much like a pusher knows how to handle a junkie.
    But, look at the present and the near future. It cost us $25 bucks to put these words here on the Internet in front of you. For that rather reasonable price, I got our domain registered and hosting with 20 MB of storage for a year. Two years ago I spent $35 a year just on my domain. Twenty megabytes of storage is a whole lot of text. Trust us, we'll do our best to fill it up for you, but it's going to be thousands and thousands of pages just like this one. We plan to charge nothing for this site - not a dime. We do want to have advertising and shopping opportunities that we hope you will take advantage of - and these will each bring in trickles of money. But it's only going to take a few trickles to make up for what we have spent so far. If Max and I wanted, we could serialize a couple of novels here. Our readers could come out and read that material for free, click on the ads if they like or buy things that appeal to them, and if we had a large enough readership - we could make a good living, as others have.
    But, that's just the beginning. Say you are an author who is tired of the whole publishing tyranny. You could get a domain such as this, create your novels in .pdf format and set up a merchant account to sell those novels. You don't have to worry about printing them, the .pdf reader is free from Adobe and companies like PayPal only charge a few percent for a secure Internet credit card transaction. In the end you could charge $3, half the price of the paper back in a book store, and almost all of that comes directly to your pocket. It would only take a few thousand people buying your book before you got the same amount the publisher would have given you. If 60,000 people bought the book, heck, you might not have to produce another book for a couple of years!
    But, maybe you're concerned about piracy. Sure, a .pdf could go out across the Internet faster than this week's Melissa clone. People are getting smarter about these kinds of things and there is probably a way to track .pdf or make it more difficult. but maybe we need to change our thinking. For those of you who think publishers have a lock on security, I have a few words for you: Used Book Stores, Photo Copier, Fax Machine, Optical Character Recognition Software. Where there is a determined thief, there will be a successful robbery. The point is maybe we need to think about things a little differently. The old saying that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery could be updated for our modern times with the word "duplication". If our work is good enough, others will spread it around like it's the hot .mp3 of the day.
    We could make this a little more difficult, I mean, we're talking about simple text, it's pretty adaptable. We could set up a site so that our readers could read our books on-line. Page after page of text, all for a small fee or a lot of advertising. Accessible with a username and password. The would-be thief could still steal the text, but it wouldn't be easy. And by the time the thief gets out of the site, we've already gotten their money.
    But people don't like reading off computer screens, you say? Gosh, I hope that's not true! I think this might have been true at one point. As screens have gotten clearer and easier to read, I think this feeling is diminishing. Now many people are asking that more books be put in electronic form.
    Can't cuddle up with your computer monitor in bed, you say? Well, many have thought that e-book readers would be the answer. But I don't think so. In the next two years there is going to be a HUGE push from the wireless market. They are investing literally billions of dollars in third generation (3G) networks. This will bring high speed Internet and even video services to hand held devices. Color flat panel displays are being made for these devices that rival the clearest, sharpest Trinitron CRT , and they use less battery power than their contemporaries. Prices for these devices will start high but will nose dive to hit the rest of us who are not early adopters. This is our market - imagine taking a clear and sharp internet device, which is also your cell phone, PDA and digital camera, and curling up with that in front of the fire. (By the way, you only spent $69 on it with a two year contract.) You could even adjust the text size and brightness for easier reading. And, for a buck, you could read the latest Tom Clancy thriller or the hottest new bodice ripper - right off the Internet.
    Let this stand as a sign post on the Information Superhighway - Danger Ahead for the Publishing Houses! We have a detour for you that will make life better for everyone - but the publishers

Ready To Rock

Welcome to hell . I am Satan. Or at least a reasonable facsimile thereof .

As Jericho has already put forth our manifesto far more elequently than I could ever hope to without expending effort, I am going to use my entry to express my gratitude to those who have made this beast possible. First and foremost, I must thank Jericho for giving this long threatened project the kick in the ass it needed to make it reality. Second, I would like to send madprops, as the young hepcats say these days, to ubergeek Chris Pirillo , his lovely wife Gretchen and your Uncle Willie for introducing me to the concept of blogging and setting a high standard I have no doubt I will fall far short of.

I am excited about this project. I already have several ideas for projects to post here, in addition to the no doubt daily insanity you will read from myself and Jericho.

Let us rock !

© 2002 by the Gentlemen known as Max and Jericho