Liar, Liar, Pants On Fire

All I can say is, Vulcan my ass. Although Jer likes to aspire to cold reason, or pastel colored emotions or whatever, I have seen him through enough dramas to know he is about as cold and reasoning as your average lunatic.

It is a good thing my parents' house had a solid hardwood front door. With the number of times he stormed out, slamming it shut behind him, I fear it might have shattered had it been just a little less sturdy. He always did say that door was good for slamming.

I must confess, he is capable of being annoyingly reasonable about things that I would go off the handle for. But beneath that collected surface is a rage of emotions just aching to come out.

It's Contagious!

    My wife, Steph, has just lost her job.
    We knew this was coming. Her company has been cutting right and left since (shock!) September. This week things were looking bad and she was told yesterday that she was probably most likely to go.
    Now, this is where I would normally expect to see some emotional explosion! The last couple of times Steph has lost a job, I've had two or three days of sobbing, depressed Stephy - no fun. Steph is usually in high spirits, and seeing brought down is like watching someone piss on a painting.
    But, not this time. Steph, knowing this is coming, has been casting her resume to the winds. I hope I'm not jinxing her here - but it looks like she already has a good line on something - she has an interview with the hiring manager tomorrow - the third interview for this position! And she just found out a few minutes ago that she is actually fired! I think she out did Max's record! So, no tears, no regret - this may even be a step up.
    I think the thing I love the most is that Alan Greenspan announced today that he sees an end to this downturn - yet short-sighted, bottom line oriented people have managed to fire two of the people I love most in the world. Their loss - see you in Chapter 11.

The Offender

    I'm not sure what the deal is, but at least three times over the last week I've gotten into heated emotional discussions (or worse!) with friends or co-workers.
    You have to understand - I'm basically a Vulcan . I've lived most of my life either hungry or irritated. I rarely have major swings in mood, and other than my depression experiments in college (don't ask!) I usually don't get too deep into any particular emotion. I just don't have a need for trauma or drama in my life.
    Cold? Sure, I'm a little of that. I guess I've just always thought of myself as getting the "pastels" of emotions. I don't get the red rages or the purple passions that most others get. I get pink peeves and yellow yawns. I wouldn't say my emotional palette is boring - it just isn't very extreme.
    I've certainly met enough people who seem to live in a consistent state of trauma and drama. Their life isn't complete without at least three daily crisises. I couldn't live that way!
    I get my laid-back from my Mom, but I took her attitude and did some perfecting. I've just always been able to let most stuff go. I'm pretty diplomatic - I can see both sides of most issues. I've always tried to be good about admitting when I'm wrong, and when I screw up or have angered someone, I try to take care of it. It takes a ton to really anger me. You have to just about stab me to offend me. I just don't let stuff get to me.
    I do sometimes get jealous that others get these great sweeps of emotion - I'm too much of an experience junkie to not want to experience those things. Of course, those things are on the same mental list with near death experiences and half a dozen hallucinogens I want to try someday.
    But this week has been so odd. I've had run ins with two co-workers and one friend outside of work. The coworkers were something of a shock - the friend outside work had a lot to do with the fact that some things that had gotten me angry and been festering while I held my tongue. If you can get me angry, you have really screwed up somewhere.
    I'm used to once or twice a season having some type of emotional blow up with someone. But three in a week - how does that happen? How do people who live for this shit live through it?

Unemployed Or Just Unpaid Vacation?

Laura and I spent time over at Neta and Suzie's last night. I was assured that I will be employed by Convergys. Hopefully, I will be in the IT department. But if nothing is open, she says she can get me a customer service gig to see me through until something opens in IT. So, I guess at this point, I am more on vacation than unemployed. And really, with my massive two weeks of severance pay, this is really just a paid vacation.

Sweet.

So, I am taking advantage of this little mini-sabbatical to try and chill out a little. I wasn't terribly fond of my previous job. There was a great deal of intra-office politics. Now, this may sound odd coming from someone who got his degree in political science, but I don't much care for intra-office politics. It is one thing when I venture out into the political world and my sole goal is to play that sick little game. But when I am trying to do a job that is completely unrelated to politics, trying to keep track of who wants to be sucked up to in just what manner is a hassle. I tired to not let it get to me. But sometimes the stress would leave me somewhat short tempered and I found myself having to apologize to the wife or a friend or the dog for taking something wrong and saying something stupid. So, I am trying to get in touch with my inner mellow.

So far, so good.

And in honor of my coming out as a political junkie, I would like to share with you one of my favorite quotes from one of my favorite political columnists, Molly Ivins .

I like politicians, a stance so unpopular I have been considering taking up a more socially acceptible perversion, like inter-species dating.

A Glimmer Of Hope

Thanks to a good friend, I can take comfort that my unemployment will soon be at an end. Our friends Neta and Suzie called tonight to invite us over to see their new apartment. When I told them that I am, as Doc Searls put it, "on the beach," Suzie told me that they are hiring IT people at Convergys where she is Operations Manager.

The IT gig is not itself assured. Although she says I am just about a shoo in. But even if I don't get into the IT department, they are always looking for customer service people. She says that with my experience, I may even be able to squeeze into a management position. But, worse come to worst, I will still probably end this week employed. Perhaps it won't be at my dream job. But a regular paycheck is always welcome in the Dobberstein household.

As for Jericho's essay (see below), I think this country really needs to take a good long look at men's roles in society. For most of our history, being a white mail meant that you were, for all intents and purposes, at the top of the economic and power structure. Now, things have shifted. We are starting to realize the our most basic credo, that all men, all people are created equal.

While that is nothing but a good thing, we really haven't really given men a chance to redefine the male role. Are we our jobs? Are we only useful as providers and sperm donors? Or can we start defining ourselves as... well, something else? I hope we can.

I hate Being Unemployed

    Unlike my cohort, I am still employed and plan to remain that way for a while. I'm not quite indispensable to my company, I'm awfully close. It gives one a certain sense of security. This means I'll be fired within a week, dontcha know!
    However, being unemployed is possibly the worst possible thing for an American Male. Let's face it, holding a job is all we have left.
    There was a time when a young American male was at the top of the world food chain. They were the top consumers. Their votes and opinions swayed the shape and economy of the entire country and thus the whole of the Earth. Was he a Ford man or a Chevy man? These were important questions. His barbecues were the foci of social interaction in his neighborhood. Entire political/economic structures were based, enforced or toppled depending on his choice of steaks, burgers or hot dogs. Chicken? That was for those that couldn't afford better. There was only one way to live, only one way to dress. The rules were black and white and the easy option to conform and prosper was everywhere.
    Now, things have vastly changed. The job market was affected by the civil rights movement and the women's rights movement. The definition of what an American male was changed nearly over night. The funny thing was these changes were followed by an economic collapse - just as things got better for the disenfranchised, it got bad for everyone. Men were now supposed to be Alan Alda - deep and sensitive - yet oh so strong. The John Wayne's of the world were Neanderthals. We were to bring home the bacon, rub the wife's shoulders as soon as we came in, play with the kids and help them with their homework, do the dishes after dinner then whisk our wives off to bed where we made mad, animal, passionate, yet soft and gentle love to them for hours before they drifted off to sleep in our large, strong arms, cuddled against our wash board abs.
    So, now, the American male has been stripped of all he was. Once he was the force of the people, now, he's just people. What are the first two questions most people ask when they meet you for the first time? Usually, they're "What's your name?" and "What do you do for a living?" The American Male as been reduced to a job title. We are the job. When you tell someone what you do, they think they know everything about you. Think about it - someone says to you "I'm in sales." you think used car sales man or wonder when they are going to inquire about your life insurance coverage. If they say "I'm a Lawyer.", well, that probably has ended more conversations than it has started. If they say: "I'm in computers." most instantly think "Geek." I love this, when people ask me what I do, I say I'm in Telecom. I usually get a blank stare - most don't have an opinion or a preconception of "telecom guy". Usually I let them keep the stare. If I like them, I'll say I work on a computerized voice mail system - this way they can think "geek" and get on with their lives.
    Now, as an American male, if you tell someone that you are unemployed, the first thing they think is "loser." If you try to spin it and say "I'm between jobs" most people think "embarrassed loser." People live by their first impression - unless they see a reason to change it, which they usually don't. So, every time you meet that person from then on, you are just another loser without a job, even once you are working again. At best, you can hope to be raised to just "loser" or "can't hold a job".
    Gods forbid that you have kids and you decide that not having a job is a good time to be just a Dad. When people ask what you do, and you say "I'm a full time Dad." people either think "loser", "can't hold a job", "wimp" or some combo of the above. When a woman says this, we all were trained by the women's movement to think that this was a noble and hard job that only a strong woman could do. There was no movement to train us on how to react to a male in this role. Of course, people's reactions to this will be influenced by what your wife does. If she is in a low paying job, and your family is just making ends meet, you are surely a loser and not trying hard enough. If she is in a high paying position, you are easily a wimp and most likely hen-pecked, you loony liberal, you!
    There is no inside track anymore. I've tried to skirt, no pun intended, sexism and racism in this post, but, let's face it, a young white male had a real advantage in the job market, even just twenty years ago. Now, while everything is more equal, everything is also less stable. I said above that I was close to indispensable in my company - but that is so tenuous. In these days of tightening belts, I could be dropped in a minute. The other day, a person with some influence in my company asked why we didn't just out source our voice mail system - right there my heart fell and I could feel my job leaving my body! We are all so replaceable these days, so interchangeable. I remember what the last unemployment crisis was like. I was young, but I remember the news, I remember the faces on tv. I remember my own family waiting in line for everything from food stamps to government cheese. That fear is still very much there. Tomorrow I could be out with Max. Screw the fact that I know my company and their systems very well. I could be replaced with an out source, or with someone younger and cheaper. If my company saw an advantage, I'd be gone in a minute. There is no loyalty anymore. It's all about the money. I makes no difference that what is cheaper today will most likely cost more in the long run - that problem will be fixed when it happens - usually by someone who didn't make the initial decision.
    The only thing that is worse than losing a job and all that goes with it - is trying to find a new job. You send your resume around, you fill out mounds of paperwork, and only get a few nibbles. By the third or fourth week, you are starting to feel like a loser. When you do finally get an interview, you are basically going in to debase yourself and beg for their crappy job. What a great way to start a relationship! You feel like a loser, you prove that you are a loser by begging people who already think you are a loser, quite often you take a pay cut to get the new job and then you ARE a loser! Excellent. I think we should all tell our next person who interviews us that we are in sales. When they ask what we mean, since our resume may not show any sales experience, say, well, you are here to sell yourself to them and their company. Maybe they'll get a laugh - or just think that you are a loser who can't tell a joke.
    Here's wishing the economic slowdown won't turn into a crisis, that Max soon gets a job and that all of our next interviews are good ones.

This Information Is Classified

I've just finished looking through the classifieds. I was shocked at how few IT adverts there were. Back when I first got into this field, the "Info Sys" ads took up 4 or 5 pages. Today, there were just under 2 pages of ads. That is not a terribly good sign.

Does anyone else find the phrase "terribly good" to be a little oxymoronic?

Anyway, it wasn't entirely discouraging. There were a good 6 or 7 ads that seem to be a good fit. They are, of course, first on my resume list. There were also some other ads that I am considering. There was one of those "we will train" ads looking for truckers. Anybody think I would make a good over the road trucker? Breaker, breaker. Ten four. Let's get this convoy rolling!

Or something like that.

It looks like some local Quiktrip locations are looking for assistant managers. For those unfamiliar with QT, there are sort of a 7-11 on steroids. I looks like if I got that gig I would almost be making as much as I was at my last job.

And there is Domino's . My wife delivers for them when she is not studying her butt off towards her graphic design degree. It turns out half the people at her location quit tonight. So she is bringing me an application. And some hot wings. And there are of course the usual array of food service and retail gigs. Glamorous? No. But, a paycheck is a paycheck.

The Blog Community Rocks

Big thanks also to Doc Searls for the mention on his site. It's people like this that keep me from losing faith in humanity.

A Room of a Different Color

First I would like to thank Chris Pirillo . Not many people in this world would take time out of their day to send a word of encouragement to a complete stranger. He is offically tops in my book.

For the curious, I'm going to dive into the classifieds as soon as I am done here. I'm sure I can get something to pay the bills for now while I look for something better. I'm not too proud to deliver pizza. I used to be, then I grew up. I just hope I don't have to. I'm also going to be checking out a potential tech franchise opportunity Chris Pirillo pointed me to. If it turns out to be the right fit, it may turn out getting canned was not an entirely bad thing.

Now on to more pleasant topics.

You would think losing my job yesterday must have been about the worst that could have happened. Well, maybe for most people. But most people aren't married to my wife. Love you, Lurvie. She is just about the greatest in every possible way. Except, she has this thing about redecorating. Our house is in a constant state of redecoration. Either this needs to be moved there, or that needs to be moved to the basement just long enough for her to realize she actually wants it back upstairs. Yesterday, she decided to paint the bedroom.

Now, on one hand, I can see where she is coming from. The bedroom walls were covered with this fairly garish paisley wallpaper, a remnant of the previous owners, and she has been wanting to be rid of it since we moved in. On the other hand, I'm a desk jockey. Although I am trying my darndest to get in shape, I am still not exactly a tote that barge lift that bale kind of guy.

I knew it was going to be trouble when told me, "It'll be easy. I'll probably even have it done before you get home." Well, 6 hour later, we were both still painting away. She was yelling at me that my roller was dripping and that I was going to get paint on the carpet. I was yelling at her that it was her idea so she shouldn't be yelling at me. It was fun. And don't worry kids. Mommy and daddy are just fine. We were just having a "discussion." ^_^

We actually did manage to get the walls mostly painted. I, being the incompetant I am, took the roller to the broad middle sections of the walls, while she did the fine work around the edges. I think we have a chance of finishing it tonight. Well, with the exception of some little fiddly decorative touches she wants to add. Which is good. Because I can't stand clutter and right now most of our bedroom stuff is filling up the hallway outside of our bedroom and our dining room. It's enough to make a neat freak scream.

© 2002 by the Gentlemen known as Max and Jericho