Archive

My Penis and Boobs are just Fine!

   Okay, everyone bitches about spam. We all hate all the garbage mail we get. But, I am especially starting to hate it. I'm starting to take personal offense with it.

   Between my IWDC, Hotmail and home email accounts, I easily delete and dismiss without reading 100 to 200 junk emails a day. My home email account just wraps them up and tosses them - they don't give me a choice, I have to go out to a special site and find my junk mail (which I rarely do). It's getting too expensive for ISPs to give out email accounts with their other services because junk mail is killing them. I have to give out my IWDC address, so that my public can contact me. 'Course, the only one who uses it is Laura, maybe I should kill it and save myself some trouble. My Hotmail account has been around so long (five years!) it's on every email list twice.

   But, what are these doofuses thinking? These emails are unbelievably bad. First, they keep telling me my penis is too small and or I should buy Viagra. Folks, men are more sensitive than most of us are willing to admit. And about our penises, we are even more sensitive than most women might imagine. Maybe this is just an American thing, but, ladies, you know how sensitive you are about your bust size? Well, double it and add some testosterone borne anger and you'll get close to what men feel about their members. First off we have to carry the damn thing around. It's right out in the open where anyone can, and many often do, threaten it. I mean, ladies, when was the last time someone threatened to kick you in your sexual organ? Gents? Yup, just what I thought ... The damn thing is ugly, it itches, it gets in all the wrong places at the wrong times, etc. Now, every time I open my email box, I get told I don't measure up, too. Joy!

   But, these spamming dunder heads don't stop there. I keep getting told that I should increase my bust size as well. Okay, I'm overweight and I have a goodly B cup going on. I need to get rid of them, and I'm pretty sensitive about how far I have let myself go. But, now I'm being told that I haven't gone far enough! So, I can't measure up to the other men (and can't even remotely satisfy my woman) and now I can't compete with the other girls on the boob front? Damn! Do they think if I'm completely broken down I'll buy their crap? As it stands I'm about to cut off my penis, rip off my boobs and hang myself - I don't measure up to anything that society deems good, I should just end it all!

   Either way, no explicative spammer will ever get my money. Idiots! May they rot!!!

Posted by: Jericho - 6/27/03 - 4:18 pm -

How Novel

I have been working on my new writing project for about a week now. So far, I have written a whole lot of crap. A weeks worth of writing and I have little more than a pile of stupid, empty situtations and one dimensional characters. That little more finally came tonight. After veering around looking for direction, I think I have finally hit on something interesting and come up with characters who have the potentional to sprout a couple more dimensions.

If I can get myself to stick with it, I may just have something a few months from now.

Posted by: Max - 06/24/03 - 6:45pm CDT -

Not dead, just busy ...

   Sorry to not have been out here much lately. I see that Max has been entertaining you so I don't have to worry that you were bored. Max is good for that kind of thing! :)

   Between work and the new house, my life is pretty full. We're still working on the deal. We're signing paperwork right and left, anything they put under my nose I sign. A vendor handed me his card the other day at work, I scribbled my signature and gave it back to him.

   We're still not having the best relationship with our financial person. However, it's difficult to be angry with her. Yes, she has bungled and delayed and we have re-signed papers that were lost. But, because she has been not much better than an anchor on this process, the interest rates fell again and she was able to get us a stellar rate. (Ahem!) We have a 5.625 FHA loan! Thirty years, fixed - woo hoo! We were excited that we nearly got a 5.9, this is just that much better. From a five year point of view, she has saved us a lot of money. If we were to keep this for thirty years, she would have saved us a shit load of cash.

   Our mortgage will be about $100 higher than our rent. This was something I had wanted when we started this process but thought I wouldn't get after all the crap we went through. Now, I stand with one of the best mortgages I have ever seen. 'Course, we'll never be able to refinance. Who would be dumb enough to get rid of that rate? If any of you, my loyal readers, haven't refinanced recently - what are you waiting for? Screw that whole "I got bad credit" thing. The lenders are scambling - there are real benefits to a down economy! Get out there!

Posted by: Jericho - 6/23/03 - 10:56 am -

Back Off Track

I am weird. Ask anyone who knows me and they will say so. Given the life I've led, I think I am well within my rights being an oddball. As the fiction I have posted on IWDC will show, that odd bent comes out in my writing. My best writing, the work I hate least, is off center.

This week I set off on my second serious attempt at writing a novel. The attempt was nearly stillborn when for a complex series of what seemed like reasons at the time I decided to try and leave my whacked out view of the world out. It wasn't long before I saw my story shaping itself into the sort of bloodless mainstream sci fi novel that I can't stand. Well, no more. Tonight I took a serious whack at being seriously whacked. Already I am liking the results. Already I am having more fun.

I have a unique, if somewhat deranged, world view. My writing should reflect that. That falls into the "no shit, Sherlock" file. But even so, I lost sight of that. I'm glad I am back off track.

One more thing, completely off topic. If anyone gives away one hint of the plot of the new Harry Potter book before I have a chance to read it, they will die.

Posted by: Max - 06/19/03 - 7:45pm CDT -

Jericho Brown Is Dead

No, no, no, no. He's outside, looking in.

Posted by: Max - 06/18/03 - 12:43pm CDT -

Damn Canucks!

Curse those Canadians and their insistance on treating their citizens equally.

Posted by: Max - 06/18/03 - 1:21am CDT -

Stuff

Yesterday was Father's Day. Laura was the only one to acknowlege that it now applies to me. It would have been nice if someone, anyone, else had. This is not aimed at anyone in particular.

I decided to go with the novel. I started it today. Normally I would start a big project like this with an outline and a character sheet. I am just about finished reading Stephen King's On Writing and King advises against such things. He suggests that they destroy the spontaneity that makes writing fun and the honesty that makes it meaningful. I have always leaned on them to keep me organized and on track. Look at our respective successes as writers (both artistically and financially); it's obvious which of us knows more about how to write. So, I am giving his advice a try. If it doesn't work for me, I can always outline later.

Posted by: Max - 06/16/03 - 7:59pm CDT -

Oy!

I love travel writing. I love reading about the adventures people have when they travel.

I love fiction. I love being swept away into the sometimes wild imaginings of great storytellers.

At the moment, I have two ideas for books. One is travel related; the other is fiction. Both appeal to me, each for its own reasons. I could try to work on both at the same time, but I never was a great multitasker. Both would suffer for lacking my full attention. However, if I commit to one the other will become the more appealing. The book I am working on is never so appealing to me as book I could be working on instead.

Either way, if I don't pick one and settle on it I'll never get either done. That way lie the comfort and ease of complete surrender.

I'm not sure if I should stop being indecisive before I stop procrastinating or the other way around. I'll decide tomorrow.

Posted by: Max - 06/12/03 - 2:03pm CDT -

BUZZZZZZZ

A couple days ago we had a fun incident here in Casa de Dobberstein. I had just gotten home from 11 hours in the 8th circle of hell, otherwise known as Guitar Center on a Saturday and was sitting down at the computer when I heard my dog Adi, who was hanging out in the other half of the room, chewing on something. Knowing that my dog has absolutely no discernment when it comes to picking things to chew on, I figured I had best investigate. I found her standing over the other half of the bug she had decided to make her mid-evening snack. While slightly grossed out, I wasn't too upset about it right then. At least she had picked something to eat that on some level could be considered food.

The room wasn't well lit at the time, so I couldn't see what sort of bug it was, but assumed that it was some sort of fly, since there are quite a few of them about this time of year. Then I noticed what looked like a another fly headed towards the stained glass windows that flank either side of our fireplace. I went to grab the fly swatter, then came back and turned the lights on. That is when I saw what had to be at least 2 dozen bees sitting right below the stained glass window. As if this was not enough of a shock, once I recovered I noticed that most of them were dead or dying.

So, I was faced with two puzzles. How were the bees getting in, and what was killing them? And was what was killing them a hazard to my wife or dog? Once I dispatched the remaining bees, I cleaned them up and watched to see if any more showed up, hoping that if they did, I would see where they were coming in. More did come in, but their entrance point remained a mystery until the next day, when I was leaving to go to work. The thing is, even though we have a fireplace, we have no chimney. Rather, we have vents that are a little up and back from the fireplace itself. Outside, a whole hive of bees was swarming around those vents. Laura, being eternally on the ball these days, immediately MacGyver'd a screen to block off the fireplace. One mystery, and one problem solved.

What killed them? It's hard to say. The few that were still somewhat alive were attacking the stained glass window with what little strenght they had left. Maybe they just killed themselved trying to get whatever they were trying to get out of that window. Maybe the remnants of our last visit from the exterminator did them in. Or maybe, there is something else, something unhealthy about this house and it is time to move. I just hope we don't find out the hard way.

Posted by: Max - 06/10/03 - 3:03pm CDT -

Palin's Travels

Michael Palin, yes that Michael Palin, has spent a large part of the last decade plus doing several adventure travel series for the BBC. The shows are good, but his books about his trips are even better. Now you can read them for free at his website.

Posted by: Max - 06/09/03 - 12:40pm CDT -

Interesting

Gizmodo goes retro.

Posted by: Max - 06/09/03 - 11:24am CDT -

A Man Of Vision

John Ashcroft wants suicide bombing made a death penalty offence. A genius, that man is.

Posted by: Max - 06/08/03 - 3:35pm CDT -

House Pictures

   Apparently, the only thing going on in my life right now is our house hunt. I promise to be more interesting later.

   We got a copy of the appraisal and attached were some of the least inspired pictures ever taken of a house. However, these are the only ones I currently have. Somewhere I have fifty or sixty pics I took one day of the house in Kent, but I haven't taken a single one of this place. Sorry.

   Anyway, all three pictures are of the front of the house. This one shows the fences we are planning to rip down and the dog kennel we hope they take with them.

   This one shows the corner of the house closest to the road, it would be on the left side of the picture above. We are thinking of replacing the front most window with a bay window - to give the house some character. The ramshackle gate is visable as is the large flag the current owners use to keep away snoopy Republicans ...

   This is the other window, on the right side of the first picture. This is the window for the smaller of the two bedrooms.

   Again, I apologize for the quality of the shots, but there they are. I promise better pictures and a full house tour sometime soon.

Posted by: Jericho - 6/6/03 - 5:05 pm -

A Retraction

It turns out that Mr. Wolfowitz was misquoted by the Guardian. We can take comfort that the Bush administration is still lying to us.

Posted by: Max - 06/04/03 - 8:39pm CDT -

I'm Sure it Will Pass

A rash of honesty befalls the White House.

Posted by: Max - 06/04/03 - 11:44am CDT -

Red (light), White and Blue

A US brothel is offering free sex to US troops who took part in the war against Iraq to thank them for their endeavours abroad.

God bless America!

Posted by: Max - 06/04/03 - 11:39am CDT -

Eek

LifeLog. Soon to be known as Project Big Brother.

Posted by: Max - 06/03/03 - 01:27pm CDT -

House Hunting Update

   You all seemed interested in the details of the last house we were looking at, so I thought I'd jump in here and give you the latest story and where we now stand.

   After the fiasco of the first house in Kent, and the fact that there just wasn't much going on in our price range, we decided to give up. Roland, our agent, gave us a good talking to. Roland is a good listener, unless he doesn't want to be! The guy should get into politics - he could win an argument with a pissed off Rottweiler. Anyway, we told him we were through, but he managed to not hear me say that six times. He told us to be patient and keep looking, that he would hate to see us throw away all the work we had done up to this point. And, he would hate to see us keep renting when owning was so much better.

   I hate when everyone else is right!

   About four days after we called it quits, I get an email from our friend, Holly. Holly has spotted a house in their neck of the woods, matter-of-fact it's about a block away from them. She sent us the web page for it. We looked - we would have never found this house on our own. We had been looking for specific square footage, the selling agent refused to list square footage on this house. We would have skipped over this place every time.

   So, we go have a look, and things proceeded pretty fast, so fast that I can't point you to the web site listing the house, that's gone. We went and looked at the house with Roland our agent. The house is listed on tax records as having about 750 square feet of space. We had been looking at 1000 sq. ft. or better. However, this place has a full, unfinished basement (basements are uncommon in this part of the world) a decent sized garage and a loft over most of the building - in essence, it's triple the listed square footage but they can't legally list it that way. The house was built in the late forties, however it has relatively new, blue vinyl siding, the electrical system was redone in 1975 and the roof and gutters were replaced three years ago when the current owners moved in.

   It's a two bedroom, one bath. Both bedrooms are smallish but useable. Steph and I are going to have to get used to one bathroom again, at least until we have another one installed in the basement. The floor squeaks throughout the house, but that can be remedied. Steph's big concerns are all carpet and wall treatment related - in other words, this house is in much better condition that the last hole. Even better, the price is lower!

   The house in Kent had a great location, this one isn't as great, but there is a local bus that runs through the neighborhood and drops people at the park and ride for the busses into Seattle. The local bus stops directly at our door! No joke, I couldn't have asked for better. I think I'm eventually going to place a bench out there for my own use!

   Anyway, all of this happened very quickly. We looked at the house, we placed an offer the next day. They countered, we countered and they accepted all in the next day. The house went off the Internet. As far as the selling agent was concerned - we just bought a house.

   Since that quick transaction, it's been a waiting game. We're not entirely happy with our finance person. She hasn't been the easiest to communicate with. This started with our gift money. My mother and Steph's great-aunt gave us very nice monetary gifts to help us cover our down payment on the first house. We were told at the time that there needed to be a letter saying that the money was a gift, not a loan and we didn't have to pay it back. Fine, we got those letters. However, in working on this house, she tells us we need to have our family members fill out a form, not a letter. First, that just sucks. Second, why didn't she tell us this a month before? Third, the form was a joke. My mother's letter would have stood up better in court, and Steph's great aunt's letter, she was once a bank officer, would have held up better than my Mom's. This woman won't return calls or email. She has lost mail and faxes. When the FHA appraiser came out, we found out about it from Roland because the selling agent told him! I called her one weekday morning to ask about the FHA appraiser, she didn't have time to talk to me, they were calling for her tee on the golf course! We have loved working with Roland, but we won't recommend this chick. I just hope she doesn't pooch the deal!

   So, we think we have bought a house. We are still waiting to hear ANYTHING about the financing. We close on June 30th (maybe before?) and we want to move in the weekend of July 4th. I just hope it works out.

Posted by: Jericho - 6/2/03 - 3:45 pm -

Watch Your Mouth

If you don't like McD's you had better have a good lawyer.

Posted by: Max - 06/02/03 - 01:30pm CDT -

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