Archive

Two If By SUV

The Libertarians are coming.

Posted by: Max - 10/02/03 - 1:29pm CDT -

Manthing

Posted by: Max - 09/22/03 - 10:39pm CDT -

The Horror

The horror.

Posted by: Max - 09/17/03 - 01:18pm CDT -

We're Off To See The Wizard

Pay no attention to the report behind the curtain.

Posted by: Max - 09/15/03 - 06:48pm CDT -

A Suggestion

On this anniversary of the 9/11 attacks, can I suggest we push back Bush's plans to colonize the middle east until after we get the fuckers who attacked us?

Posted by: Max - 09/11/03 - 11:30pm CDT -

Damn Commies

If we criminalize killing foreign ministers then only criminals will kill foreign ministers.

Posted by: Max - 09/11/03 - 11:03pm CDT -

School Daze

I'm going back to school. Starting this month, I will be starting online courses for my MS in Info Sys. If this doesn't lead to a better job, I'm going to start robbing banks.

Posted by: Max - 09/08/03 - 6:13pm CDT -

Rich Man's Burden

I am pissed off.

I was listening to NPR's Talk of the Nation today. The topic was low wage workers, of which I am one. In fact, I am at the bottom rung. After taxes and other deductions, I net about $6000 a year. That's not a typo. A six followed by a mere three zeroes.

For most of the show, they talked about just who us bottom feeders are. Not all of us are uneducated. Some of us, like me, have college degrees. Most of us are not lazy. We work long hours, weird hours, under shitty conditions. Earlier this year, I was working two jobs. Were it not for the seasonal nature of my second job, I would still be working two jobs. Regardless, this is not what has enraged me.

What has enraged me is the third guest on the show, a man who actively campaigns against inceasing the minimum wage. He didn't even have the courage of my manager, who has openly stated that if he wasn't required by law to pay us, he wouldn't. Rather, he said it was out of concern for us poor ingnorant losers that he wants our pay low. He used that old saw, that more money paid to one person is less money availible to hire another.

Looking at the surface, you may think his argument has merit. But lets look at the situation. My wife and I are struggling day to day to survive, to buy enough food, to keep our vehicles fueled, to keep our bills paid, etc. Most of the time, we fail at one or more of these. If you doubled my wage tomorrow, paid me a mere $10.30 an hour, allowed me to net a mere $12,000 a year, 100% of that increase would go straight back into the economy, at the grocery store, the clothing store, the gas pump.

Let's look at that poor put upon grocer, forced to pay his workers $10.30 an hour. Is that going to hurt at first, you bet. But, wait a minute, suddenly there is an influx of customers coming to buy more food. The lines are getting long. Is he going to lay people off, or hire more people, laying out $10.30 an hour, serve 6 or 7 customers in that hour, each buying $100 to $200 in groceries. And guess what those new hires are going to be doing with their new wages? Going out and putting spending them.

I don't know why people like the interviewee mentioned above don't the idea that more money in the economy is a good thing. If you want to see the results of keeping people poor "for their own good", look a the French revolution. All business men who want to keep their heads, please raise your hands - and your employees' wages.

Posted by: Max - 08/28/03 - 4:07pm CDT -

Medical Science Update

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you S&M Hypnosis Therapy

Posted by: Max - 08/26/03 - 9:47pm CDT -

A Humble Request

Get some fucking virus blocking software, people!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: Max - 08/20/03 - 6:00pm CDT -

For The Record

This blog and its contributors are in no way "fair and balanced."

Posted by: Max - 08/15/03 - 7:18pm CDT -

Bass Desires

I want this. Buy it for me and you will have a position of wealth and power when I have achieved my rightful place as king of the world.

Posted by: Max - 08/14/03 - 3:18pm CDT -

Today's Wisdom

I am the Bhuddha of the midwest. I commune with the universe and it whispers its secrets into my brain bucket.

Today's revelation:

If what's up is down, what's down is right, and what's right is wrong, will anything be left for us?

Posted by: Max - 08/13/03 - 6:40pm CDT -

Engineers

@ an engineers' convention:

Engineer 1 : It's all a plot, a complete conspiricy.

Engineer 2 : How can you hold such a position, for it is not substantiated by quanitifiable fact?

Engineer Uno : I am a software engineer!

Engineer Zwei : gasp!

Engineer of the computer sort : That's right! Years of coding, drugs and lack of sleep have left me completely out of touch with your "quantifiable reality".

Engineer of one of the other sorts : I wish I was you.

Posted by: Max - 08/09/03 - 9:56pm CDT -

Max For Governor

Today, I am posting my declaration of my candidacy for the Governorship of the great state of California. Right now, the other candidates are gearing up their campaigns, preparing to fill the airwaves with promises, lies, and mudslinging. My campaign, however, is based on one simple truth; you are going to get screwed regarless of who wins.

Unlike the other candidates, I plan to tell you in advance just how I plan to screw you. First, I pretty much won't be doing much work. If work were my thing, I would have a lot more money. Instead, I'll just hang out at the Governor's mansion, take a few state funded trips and rake in that phat Governor paycheck.

Like the Terminator will do any different?

People of California, you need a Governor and I need a better job and a bigger house. We can solve both of those problems easily.

As my campaign slogan says, "You are going to get screwed regarless of who wins, so just vote for me."

Posted by: Max - 08/07/03 - 1:42pm CDT -

IWDC Contest

IWDC is pleased to annouce our first major contest. Hidden somewhere on this page is a submicroscopic image of Jericho. Be the first to write us with the exact location of that image and you will win the man himself, Jericho. Please note that while you will have complete ownership of Jericho, you will hold no legal authority over him. But who would want that anyway?

Get started and get winning.

Posted by: Max - 08/05/03 - 7:30pm CDT -

Revelations

I am the Bhuddha of the midwest. I commune with the universe and it whispers its secrets into my earhole.

Today's revelation:

Toaster ovens are socially malajusted microwaves.

Posted by: Max - 08/02/03 - 8:30pm CDT -

Stuff

I hung out with Dennis Kucinich the other day.

"I know the secret of the food court," he kept saying. I tried to ignore him. But he would't let it go.

"I know the secret of the food court. I know the secret of the food court. I know the secret of the food court."

Maybe he was trying to tell me something. Maybe he was trying to clue me in to some top secret information that he couldn't just tell me outright. Was it something to do with secret military tribunals? Maybe the Supreme Court was conspiring to attack the nation's food supply. Perhaps the FDA was suing Monsanto for failure to pay a bribe. In the end, my curiosity got the best of me.

"What, my little spitoon (Dennis likes it when I call him that), is the secret of the food court?"

He told me. I wish he hadn't. Now I know the truth. And the truth hurts.

Posted by: Max - 07/31/03 - 3:30pm CDT -

Silent Running

Some of you may be wondering why there hasn't been much posted on IWDC lately. Well, there are a number of reasons. First off, Jericho's house collapsed in on him. In fact, he is trapped beneath the rubble right now. According to the numerous pleas for help left on my answering maching - he has his cell phone, but it will only dial my number - he has nothing but Kelloggs Milk & Cereal bars to eat. I should probably try to get some help to him. But who do you call for a collapsed house? It's not on fire, it's not committing a crime, and no one is really injured at this point. That kills your three main rescue services. Maybe I could call the coast guard.

As for myself, I have spent most of the past week frozen in a block of ice with Dick Cheney and a rhesus monkey. I'm not at liberty to divulge just why, but I can tell you that you will all be able to sleep safer now that it is done.

So what have you been up to?

Posted by: Max - 07/29/03 - 9:03am CDT -

Bass

We got one of these, in a "Honey Violin" finish, in at the store yesterday. I played it and the earth shook. I played it some more. I now know the true meaning of "lust". I must have this bass.

Posted by: Max - 07/23/03 - 10:09am CDT -

Advancing the Retreat

The "Funky ATM".

Posted by: Max - 07/22/03 - 09:35pm CDT -

Matrix XP

Those wacky krauts.

Posted by: Max - 07/17/03 - 10:45am CDT -

Wow

This is the greatest thing ever.

Posted by: Max - 07/12/03 - 08:15pm CDT -

Civilization in Decline

Singapore, in a startling move, has legalized "medicinal" chewing gum. Now every filthy, hippie gumhead will no doubt develop a condition that requires this so-called "medicinal" gum.

This is what happens when you ease up on caning.

Posted by: Max - 07/12/03 - 08:04pm CDT -

Just So You Know

Conurbation is not as interesting as it sounds.

Posted by: Max - 07/07/03 - 06:04pm CDT -

... if only the end were in sight.

   Yeah .... well .... oh boy!

   So, sometime on Thursday, Steph gets a call from the seller's agent. They found the previous owner, she wasn't yet on the road to Louisiana, she was planning to come back to the house and grab another load of stuff. We wish we had known that little gem of info! She came by, unlocked the screen door and, get this, left the ring of keys between the now unlocked screen door and the front door of the house! WTF? I'm glad we didn't need a locksmith, but how brain dead can one person be?

   It gets better. The front door's lock, the only lock we originally had a key to, doesn't work! Even if the screen door had been unlocked, we couldn't have gotten into the house! And if this woman took a load of stuff, she left a ton of stuff behind. There is still a dog house in the front (only) yard. There are bags of dog food, dry beans, etc. in the garage. There are hulks of computer servers and an old washing machine in the basement. The place is a freaking mess. We spent Thursday night cleaning, getting rid of the dog smell and waiting for the woman to show up to remove more stuff - she never showed.

   Our friends Wendy and Bill helped us move. Wendy is an infrequent commentor out here, so, thanks Wendy and Bill! Anyway, they helped us out all weekend. (Boy did they help!) Friday we did a load of all the major furniture and all the boxes that were packed to that point. That was less then half the 15 foot truck. So, we pulled together the other half, unloaded it, bug bombed the house, showered and went Downtown to watch the fireworks on the 48th floor of the building where I work. Saturday was more of the same, we did all the rest of the junk around the house. Bill also replaced and/or braced the stairs leading from the kitchen to the garage. Sunday, Steph and I finished the last bits of moving with just our car and cleaned the appartment. I must admit - I'm glad I will never have to see that appartment, or the local screaming children, again.

   We met our neighbors Sunday. They are super nice people with older children. They and all their friends seem to like to use large power grinders and noxious fluids on their boat that they are working on in their back yard. I was introduced to the wife when she brought me my choice of a Coke or a Bud because she wanted to wlecome me and I looked parched. The husband offered to pull the fence out with a chain and his four-wheeler - hmmm. I also got to see several neighborhood dogs roaming loose and was awoken by a local rooster. You will notice I didn't say THE local rooster, I understand there are several.

   Now comes the fun part. We have begun to look around at all the things that need maintenance. Leaking plumbing, worn flooring, crown molding that never saw a mitre box, counter tops made by preschoolers and installed by blind woodchucks. The bathroom is a real brain-teaser. Apparently, caulk was being rationed the year that our shower was installed, however, there must have been a glut in the linoleum adhesive market. Trying to figure out, when they retrofitted the light fixture and switch, why they didn't install an outlet as well. Having an outlet in the bathroom is a good thing! Wish we had one. However, there are perks, the basin is so close to the commode that one can quite comfortably rest their head while doing their duty.

   In all, once we unpack, replace the locks, hose down the basement, remove the fence from the yard, re-seed the lawn, cut most of the bushes down to size, rent a Dumpster to allow removal of all the left over crap, wood, fencing, etc., rebuild the basement stairs, remodel the bathroom, remodel the kitchen, refloor most of the house, demolish and rebuild the garage - it will be a great place to live!

Posted by: Jericho - 7/7/03 - 12:30 pm -

A fight to the bitter end ...

   This house buying thing has not been fun!

   As of 5 PM yesterday we own a house. If you check your calendars, you'll see that's about 72 hours late. We were supposed to close on Monday. The loan company lost all of our paperwork somewhere between offices in Kirkland WA and Portland OR. Our lovely finance person didn't let us know about this, we again had to learn from our agent who learned from the seller's agent. That was Monday. So, we had to re-sign documents, some of these documents already had our signiture twice! Both of us had to leave work early and miss several hours of pay. That was Tuesday.

   Yesterday, they were hoping to have everything kosher by 11 AM. They had everything finalized by 5 PM. According to our contract, the current owner had until 9 PM the day of close to clear out. Since yeasterday was the day of close, we didn't get to the house until 9:30, just to give them that extra time.

   We go to open the screen door and find it locked! The key we have won't open the screen door, it's meant for the door behind the screen door. The screen door is of pretty high quality, so high I could not pop it open with my bare hands. We go to try the key on the back door and discover that not only does the key not work on the back door, but that also means we don't have a key for that door, how lucky can we get? So, we now own a house that we cannot enter. From the outside we can see there are items left in the house and they left some junk in the yard, we're now wondering what crap we're going to find left in the house?

   So, tonight, my wife is going to go rent a truck so that we can start moving our stuff, even though the preperations we wanted to do before hand will not be done because we have to be out of our apartment by Sunday. Then, she will call a lock smith to come by and break into our house for us - joy!

Posted by: Jericho - 7/3/03 - 1:30 pm -

New Old Stuff

About a billion years ago - before IrateWeirdos.com came along to bring enlightenment to the masses - I had another website. It was really cool. It had frames. It also had a few features of its own. As I lack anything new and original to post, I decided to put a short travelogue the used to be on my old site. I hope you will enjoy The Stones.

Posted by: Max - 07/02/03 - 12:23pm CDT -

© 2002 by the Gentlemen known as Max and Jericho